Ugh

I am tired of being alone. Maybe some single Mom's like it, but when I feel the way  I feel about Zack it bothers me. I mean we wanted this baby and when everything got rough he left. Then he just popped back into my life all of a sudden. Sometimes I don't know what to do. We talk every night but sometimes I feel like I make him mad when I say something. I feel like him moving to Colorado to be with me and the baby is really going to bother him and of course his family. I am really worried about his family. Maybe because of all the crap in past.

I don't want to go through what I did with him last year. If he comes out here we both know things have to be different. I am just really scared that he will leave when things get tough again. He seems to get mad when I bring up goals. We are writing letter to each other until he gets out here and in the one I am writing now I wrote stuff to him that I could never tell him on the phone.

I hated our fights. I can't do that again. I don't know what to do sometimes. I keep recalling how he asked me to get rid of the baby at first and how I was driving and started bawling. I couldn't handle it. I had to call my neighbor because I couldn't talk to my Mom. If I remember right this was the day I went to the Doctor to find out I was even pregnant. He didn't come to any of my appointments that I had in Missouri and that hurt me.

Honestly he only started showing interest in the pregnancy right before I left when he asked for copies of the baby. Now anytime I bring up the baby moving he doesn't seem to care. It drives me nuts because he says he wants this baby, but sometimes it really doesn't seem like it.

I just don't know what to do.